I was tired and ready to get home so the flashing blue light
in my rearview mirror was annoying. I knew I hadn’t been speeding and I had
used my turn signals so had no idea what they were pulling me over for.
When the officer reached my window, he said, “Please step
out of the car, Ma’am.”
“What?” I asked. I had never before been ordered out of my
car when stopped.
“Please step out of the car.”
I still didn’t know what was going on, but when he stepped
back I opened the door. Of course, I tripped getting out and almost fell. I
would have if he hadn’t caught my arm and pulled me against his chest.
“Thank you,” I mumbled. I knew my cheeks were blazing.
“No problem, Ma’am.”
“Will you tell me what this is about?” I asked.
“We need you to blow into this please,” he said, and it was
then I noticed his partner standing at the end of the car. “We need to check
your blood alcohol level.”
“But I don’t drink,” I said.
He and his partner exchanged a glance that I was sure said
they had heard that before.
“If that’s true, we can all go home soon, Ma’am,” he said
and held the Breathalyzer out toward my mouth.
I went ahead and blew in the contraption. I knew I wasn’t
drunk. I hadn’t had anything to drink in years and had only drunk three times
in my whole life.
I saw the confused look on their faces as they saw the
results. I smiled, thinking I was fixing to be allowed to leave. That’s what I
get for thinking.
“It seems our machine is malfunctioning. I’m sorry for the inconvenience,
Ma’am, but can you step out here to the line for me?”
I sighed and followed him to the center line. “Why do I have
to do this? I know I passed your Breathalyzer.”
“The results are inconclusive, Ma’am, and since you were swerving
over the lines while driving, we need to do these simple tests.”
Simple tests he said. Oh, they looked simple enough when he
demonstrated them, but for someone like me who suffers from vertigo and
dizziness, they weren’t simple at all.
He wanted me to stand on my left foot, close my eyes and
touch my nose with my right hand. I tried. I really did.
It took me several tries, and some assistance from him,
before I was able to stand on one foot with my eyes closed without falling
over. When I finally mastered that part, I held my arms out to my sides as he
had done. Then things got really interesting.
When I tried to touch my nose with my finger, I started
falling. I ended up poking myself in the eyeball and being caught, for the
humpteenth time, by the officer so I wouldn’t hit the ground.
“I have vertigo,” I tried to explain.
“Ma’am?” the officer asked.
“My balance is bad because I have vertigo. That’s why I can’t
pass the test. I’m not drunk.”
The officer at the end of the car cleared his throat and
shook his head.
“That may be, Ma’am,” the officer beside me said. “But we
need to confirm it. Will you consent to a blood test to check your alcohol
level?”
“I don’t think I have much choice do I?” I asked.
“Not much, Ma’am.”
“Okay, let’s get it over with.”
He took my keys and drove me while his partner followed. We
went to the local clinic. I’d been there a few times before for colds. I hoped
nobody would recognize me, but what I was worrying about most was the fact that
I had been out all day and hadn’t drunk any water in a few hours. If I was
dehydrated, they would never get blood from my veins.
The officer told the nurse what he needed and she set about
getting everything together. When she came at me with the needle I stopped her.
“You’ll never get that thing in my vein,” I told her.
“Ma’am?”
“They always use the butterfly needles. My veins are small,
they move and they are deep. That kind of needle won’t work.”
The nurse smiled and looked at the officer. The smile told
me all I needed to know. I wasn’t surprised at all when she said that she would
like to try anyway. They all think it’s operator error and not my veins until
they see for themselves.
I left the clinic thirty minutes later. I looked like the
walking wounded. The nurse had finally quit after five sticks and used a cheek
swab test. I wish she had started with it.
“Vertigo, huh?” the officer said.
“Yep,” I answered.
I had explained about the vertigo getting worse when I was
overly tired, and after spending the day with my dying father, the stress and
fatigue were at an all-time high. The nurse had me do some tests that showed I
really did have vertigo and they were satisfied. The officer had said he was
going to drive me home, that I didn’t need to be behind the wheel.
“You sure you have time to drive me home?” I asked.
“I’m off afterward. My partner will do the paperwork.”
I looked sideways at him and remembered the feel of his
chest all the times he had kept me from falling. He caught me looking and
smiled. I ducked my head, but then thought what the heck. What did I have to lose?
“In that case,” I said and winked. “Would you like to come
in for dinner?”
His smile grew and he said, “I think I better. Who else is
going to catch you when you fall into the oven?”
