Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Broken

Here's my contribution to the Three Word Wednesday prompt. Been a few weeks since I participated. Hope y'all like this one.



Grimacing, Jane picked up her drink and gulped it down, relishing the slow burn despite herself. Her last feeble attempt at sobriety had lasted forty-eight hours. Forty-eight of the longest hours Jane had ever lived through.

Disgusted with herself, she surveyed her fellow drunks. You couldn’t call them anything else because only true drunks were still at the bar come three in the morning. Jane knew this from experience. She’d been a drunk since seventeen. She had figured out way back then that drinking numbed the pain, and her stepfather doled out plenty of pain to numb.

Once her eyes adjusted to the gloom, she spotted him. Jane always wanted someone to commiserate with when she drank. She sauntered over to his table and pulled a chair out. The man regarded her coolly, decided he liked what he saw and ordered her another drink.

Jane smiled and winked at him, pleased to note the blush it brought to his cheeks. She may not know how long she’d go without a drink from day to day or where the rent money was coming from, but one thing Jane could predict with certainty, was that she’d never go home alone. After all, her stepfather always said she was too pretty for her own good.

13 comments:

Rebecca Foster said...

This is good, Angel. A great start for a longer work. in my opinion. I hope you continue the story.
Rebecca

Jay Thurston said...

Good to see / read you again Angel!

You really get down into the burdens of this character thoroughly. She's a very believable woman with a tale of sorrow. I enjoyed this one, welcome back to 3ww!

Angel said...

Thanks, Rebecca. Derek said the same thing. I'll have to think about making it longer.

Julie Jordan Scott said...

Yeah, I am sitting here wondering what happened with the stepfather...

your words definitely caught my attention.

My 3WW Poem. August 4, 2010.

ThomG said...

I think it works as is, but you could go on and expand it. But I really appreciate the work in this.

Angel said...

Thanks for the kind words, y'all. I really appreciate everyone who reads my work.

Donna Thacker said...

Yes, Angel this one just screams MORE! I would love to know what happened to here before or after this passage!

Pblacksaw said...

this works well with the title.. makes one wonder if maybe dear step-dad was broken a little but too.. at the very leasst twisted.. I enjoyed it..
Patsy

Aoife.Troxel said...

I don't know, I rather liked it as is. It left much to the imagination...

gautami tripathy said...

YOu can work on it and make it a longer post. It has the potential..


now it is there, now it isn't

Angel said...

Aoife is my kind of person...lol. I like really short works that leave people wondering best.

~willow~ said...

Excellent little piece, despite its heartbreaking subject: will Jane ever step off this trainwreck of a path?

one more believer said...

yes i agree... just enough of a story told in such a way that one could imagine