I Watch

I watch, as if from the outside
as the inside falls apart
Piece by piece,
change by change
Never sure what will come next
always waiting, always knowing
Something new is coming,
something else to add to the list
Another condition,
another symptom,
Another expectation crushed

My dreams have changed
My goals are different
As the rock changes when the water crashes often enough
so too does the soul when the pain courses through and through
When it hurts to breath,
When it hurts to move,
When it hurts to walk,
When it hurts to sit,
When it hurts to stand,
When it hurts to lay down,
When it hurts on the inside and the out
When it hurts…

I watch, as if from the outside
and marvel that the inside still fights