Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Dying...Almost

My story for the Three Word Wednesday prompt. Actually a little long for me this time!


“It’s a strange thing really, dying,” Renee whispered. “You feel almost weightless, the fear suddenly stops and you’re just sorta floating there in your body, although you aren’t really, you know, nobody can really float.”

She paused to swat a fly she could no longer ignore before continuing, “Thought I’d be done with flies after I died. I had enough of flies living in the alley, what with all the moldy food lying around. But then again, I didn’t die, did I?” she shrugged at the officer who had saved her life at the last moment. Rubbing the red welts around her throat, she then whispered, “Officer, do you think there are flies in Heaven?”

Bending closer to hear her clearly, and not certain what to say, the officer replied, “I’m not sure, Ma’am, but if they are I’m sure they don’t bother anyone.”

The slap of her hand hitting the bedside table startled the young officer so much he yelped and staggered backward, bumping into a nurse who had just entered to take vital signs.

“That’ll be nice,” Renee whispered, wiping her hand on the sheet, oblivious to the scare she’d given the man. “When I do really get there.”

17 comments:

ThomG said...

A great way to take the reading into this, the use of the fly. I like it.

Angel said...

Thanks, Thom, glad you liked it. Sorry I missed playing the last few weeks!

Carina said...

Loved the way you used the words here. Effortless and completely unstilted. Is that a word?

Carina said...

Love the way you incorporated the words. An excellent little vignette.

Andy Sewina said...

Phew, this is deep! 'No flies on me' springs to mind, but I guess you had something else...

Nicely!!

Angel said...

Thanks, y'all.

Andy, I don't know what no flies on me is in reference to...lol

pia said...

it made me want to know more--exactly what happened

Tammy Brierly said...

Good question Angel. She did not seem freaked so maybe heaven might have been her first choice.

Jay Thurston said...

Interesting one, flies can be so obnoxious... I wonder if her hand motion that startled him was successful in getting the fly :-). Thanks for reading mine as well and the helpful comment Angel!

Timothy P. Remp said...

I really enjoyed this. I never thought of flies in Heaven. :)

-Tim

http://timremp.blogspot.com/2010/05/adepta-sororitas.html

Angel said...

Thanks for reading, y'all.

Tammy, I'm glad you picked up on that because I was trying to get it across that she would rather have not been saved.

Dee Martin said...

at first I thought she was actually dead because of the fly, then I felt good that she had been rescued, then I realized life had not been such a great thing for her. Great read - took me all those directions in that short little group of words! Well done!

Peaceful Pandemonium said...

This was great! I can't wait to read more of your work.

one more believer said...

loved that dying here seemed a small detail compared to everything else going on... as if the bother of a fly was bigger to her than death..

Angel said...

Thank you all so much. I was worried I hadn't gotten everything across with this one that I wanted to but it seems I did.

Donna Thacker said...

I enjoyed this Angel! I keep reading about this One Word Wednesday or whatever it is, but haven't really checked it out. Guess I need to get busy and dig into things, huh?

Angel said...

You should check it out, Donna. Some really good poetry and stories put up by various writers each week.