Friday, October 3, 2008

Forbidden

This is my contribution to the Sunday Scribblings writing prompt. Let me know what you think.


She walked into the room and every head turned. They all knew she was taken. Charlie made sure everyone know just who she belonged to. If he caught them looking there’d be hell to pay. But it was so hard not to stare at something that perfect.

Long legs and flowing blonde hair combined with a smile that could knock your socks off. What man could resist that? Charlie knew everyone looked. He just didn’t like seeing them when they did it. He sure liked it when they talked about how lucky he was though. Too bad Johnny was new to town and didn’t know all this.

Johnny almost fell off his bar stool when April walked into the room. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. When he saw her sit down, he got up and ambled over. You could have heard a pin drop when he pulled out a chair and sat down.

April was so shocked that she didn’t even think to stop him. She just sat gaping.

The next thing anybody knew, Johnny was flying across the floor and Charlie was screaming bloody murder. Johnny lay stunned for a few minutes, long enough for the second blow to land squarely upside his jaw. After this he realized he better get up and try to figure out what was going on.

“Wait a minute, fella,” he said as Charlie came in for another blow. “What’s going on here?”

“You were messing with my woman is what’s going on here,” Charlie replied before kicking Johnny in the knee.

“Dammit, will you stop!” Johnny pleaded.

“Stop? I’ve just got started. Nobody messes with my woman and gets away with it. You think you can just waltz in and steal her away from me, don’t ya pretty boy? Well it ain’t gonna happen,” Charlie sneered.

“I wasn’t stealing anything. I was just going to talk to her. I didn’t know she belonged to anybody,” Johnny cried as he blocked the next blow.

“Well now you know. And so nobody else makes the mistake of thinking otherwise, I’m gonna make an example out of you.”

Charlie worked on Johnny for a good thirty minutes. By the time he was through the whole bar was a mess. He’d owe Chuck a pretty penny this time for sure. When he finally got too tired to fight any longer he sat down at the table with April.

Looking down at Johnny he said, “Do you understand now, son? You don’t go messing with another man’s woman. You should find out if the lady’s taken before you try to pick her up. I know my April’s something special, luscious and sweet. But this here is forbidden fruit, son. Nobody gets a taste but me.”

19 comments:

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Okay, this is really well written (although the "upside" on Johnny's jaw sticks out a little funny -- to me. Others probably don't agree).

But what makes me sad is the whole idea of women as property.

Yick to people like Charlie. What a despicable jerk.

Skyelarke said...

Good writing. Hooked me right in and made me feel for all the characters: I hate the character Charlie, feel sorry for Johnny and scared for April. Excellent short piece!

teach said...

You had me at ... she walked into the room. In what you wrote, you could tell the kind of people that Charlie, Johnny and April had become by reading through and beyond the lines...

Linda Jacobs said...

Poor April! To have somebody so obsessed over her.

great writing, though!

~willow~ said...

yikes, this was actually a very scary read. Like skylarke, I had discrete ~strong~ feelings for Charlie, Johnny and April. Well written!

keithsramblings said...

An easy mistake to make! Excellent read and very believable.

Angel said...

Wow! Thank you all so much for the comments. I didn't like Charlie much either. It is sad that there are still men like that in the world. I've run into a few.

Thanks for reading the story.

Stan Ski said...

Just as sad is, that this is exactly how some 'boyfriends' are expected to behave.

linda may said...

Good story. But did April stay with Charlie and put up with his rubbish. What a horrible man. She might have wanted protection from guys hitting on her but what would being with Charlie lead to in the future.

Rambler said...

"This" for a woman? hmm well there's a sharp line between being protective and being obsessed with it I guess..

Angel said...

You are right, Stan. And usually the women who want their boyfriends to be that way act up around other guys just to start trouble.

Angel said...

I don't know if she stayed with him or not..he he, haven't written anything else about them. It sounded like they'd been together a while though.

Rambler, I believe there is a thin line. Being obsessed with something is never really good. It leads to excess behavior.

Marty E. said...

I guess there are woman who would like the obsession, but what makes someone so insecure and so angry? Further, what makes someone stay with another like that?

Emily Ezpeleta said...

I enjoyed this story because there was something real in it to me, however, I would have been interested to have some sort of response from April, the face that launched an enormous bar fight.

Angel said...

Marty, I have no idea what would make someone stay with a person like that. I do know it happens though.

Emily, sorry I didn't add anything about that, except that she was too shocked to do anything. I reckon I could have added her some dialog at the end. Don't know if I should go back and change it now though.

Neilina said...

When at last he said, "No body gets a taste but me'. It pinched me somewhere. May be this is the truth of forbidden fruit. Don't know....am confused on this! :)

Angel said...

It just means that he's the only one that gets to be with her, kiss her, stuff like that. Nobody else gets to taste her kisses and such. She is forbidden to others, like forbidden fruit.

Sweet Talking Guy.. said...

Well told, but very sad story, I've seen this sort of thing happen in bars but not recently.
I was waiting for the twist, like Johnny was April's long lost brother, perhaps.

Angel said...

Funny you should mention that, sweet talking guy, because I usually end my stories with a twist. Don't know why I didn't with this one, sorry.